My mother Maura Walsh has a number of dietary restrictions, all of them preferences...that she enforces on others

"My mother has a number of dietary restrictions, all of them preferences. My little brother Stuprendan recently joked, when I was talking about the menu at the wedding, if I was going to keep a tub of watermelon on ice for her. Iced watermelon being one of five things she eats on her self-imposed dietary island."

Here is an excerpt of Aunt Brie's blog post from April 4, 2014:

April 4 2014

"After spending most of the wedding planning process either ignoring me or sitting in the corner screaming, “You’re fat!,” or,“Bridezilla alert!,” my sister has really upped her maid of honor game. I’m not even lying when I say that yesterday, we talked on the phone 27 times, and it’s not even breeding season for wild animals yet.

“Blara, can you be the DJ when the band goes off stage?” I asked her this morning. As my little brother Brendan says, my sister Blara doesn’t listen to music; she listens to noise. Still, her noise gets the party started.

“I’m so honored,” she said. “I’m going to buy a DJ program for my iPhone.”

Then, a few minutes later she called me to tell me: “I just love watching fat people get around in wheelchairs.”

“I have some questions for you,” he said. “Is the health food store in Savannah close to where we are staying?"

"I already told you it was,” I said. My mother has a number of dietary restrictions, all of them preferences. My little brother Stuprendan recently joked, when I was talking about the menu at the wedding, if I was going to keep a tub of watermelon on ice for her. Iced watermelon being one of five things she eats on her self-imposed dietary island.

“I called them to make sure they were open,” he said.

“He’s being so anxiety about getting mom her food,” I continued. I truly feel bad for fathers because they birth these beautiful young girls who seem like innocent victims but actually are manipulative monsters just waiting to be birthed in puberty.

“He’s so worried about me getting to the airport,” my sister said. “I told him I’d just take a taxi there, and he started screaming at me that I have to go over and stay at their house the night before or else I’ll never make the flight by myself."

"He’s just worried about taking care of mom,” I said. Whenever my mom travels somewhere, even to Nantucket for the weekend, she usually packs up to fifteen suitcases worth of stuff. “Dealing with her is like dealing with a severely disabled person.”

“Or a fat person in a wheelchair!” Blara said.

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